How Clean Are Your Windows?

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How Clean Are Your Windows?

A young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry isn't very clean," the young woman said to her husband, "She doesn’t know how to wash clothes, maybe she needs better laundry soap." Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

A month later, the woman was surprised to see nice clean laundry on the line and said to her husband, "Look, she finally learned how to wash! I wonder who taught her".

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life.

What we see when we look at others depends on the window through which we look.

This is an e-mail I got from a friend and it struck me how true that is for all of us. How clean are your windows? Most of carry carry some dirt from the past, which causes biases and judgement. How do we clean our windows? By getting rid of the past issues blurring your lenses.

Forgive all the people that you hold a grudge against, whether they were wrong or not.

Just repeat the following 4 sentences:

I am sorry

Please gorgive me

Thank you

I love you.

These 4 sentences are quoted by Ihaleakala Hew Len, Phd. You may find amazing results when you repeat these 4 sentences all day long. Try it out, I am interested in your results.

Observe Karma to Change Your Life

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Observe Karma to Change Your Life

The moment we are born, we are constantly doing one of three things: acting, reacting or interacting. Sometimes we do all three at once. Laws govern all action and interaction, constantly operating in every relationship. They are called the laws of karma, defined in Western culture as: "As you sow, so shall you reap". Isaac Newton observed these laws in physics as the third law of Motion: ''for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". The Laws of Karma remind us that whatever quality of energy we give out, we get back. Through careful observation of ourselves, we can learn how our actions effect our lives and how to break patterns of negativity.

When we are reminded of karma, it awakens an awareness of responsibility. Normally we believe we are responsible for some of our actions, but not all of them, creating moral blind spots. For example: We consider ourselves responsible for driving our family safely to their destination, but if we have an accident because we were driving too quickly, we consider the other driver responsible.

We have learned to avoid taking responibility for our actions. We fail to see the impact of our actions upon others and we fail to see that the real meaning of responsibility is our ability to respond. The way we respond to situations will always effect the outcome.

The Laws of Karma also serve to remind us that our circumstances and our personality today are the result of what we thought and did yesterday, last month, last year, etc. The past is continually creating the present. And by recognizing how our previous actions have caused our problems in the present, we can recognize the solutions.

People don't like this insight or find it difficult to accept because most of us have been taught that our destiny lies in someone else's hands or in fate or luck, about which we can do nothing. But this is actually a freeing realization. Control over your actions is the only chance for change.

If you spend a few moments reflecting on events in your life, without judgement or emotion, you will begin to see connections between actions and outcomes, causes and effects. When you see how all effects have their causes, you then have the evidence that this universal law is at work in your life at all times.

The lesson here is not to write off the events of your life as out of control; you have free will and you can start to make better choices. Relating to the world in a positive way, while it might not change everything, will make an enormous impact on your life.

Are Your Buttons Being Pushed?

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Are Your Buttons Being Pushed?

If you're like me, you avoid thinking about the past because you don't see any benefit in the present. Maybe you find it uncomfortable, or painful. Why stir up a lot of memories that you would prefer to forget? Especially when they involve parents, siblings, or old friends; the very same people you share every major holiday for the rest of your life with. But there are good reasons to look back.

As we learn how our brains process emotion and store emotional memory, it becomes clear that yesterday's feelings influence our ability to make positive lasting emotional connections today. If we want to have relationships that are more meaningful in the future, we must have some insight into our past. In fact, looking back thoughtfully may eventually help you to build better connections with those scary folks gathered around the dinner table.

Everyone has emotional baggage, some more than others. Just take a minute and think about your childhood, there must have been some incidents that upset you. Piled on top of each other, these cause that discomfort at family reunions and let certain relatives get under your skin. Through modern technology and numerous studies we now know that all of these painful memories, especially from early childhood trauma physiologically changes how our brain develops.

So as an adult these changes from childhood have a large bearing on our behaviour and we are not even aware of it. Examine your relationships today. Think about the good and the bad. It should not be a challenge to connect the dots between our pain as a child and our pain as an adult.

Generally speaking, strong emotional memories from our childhood become very attractive to us as adults. That does not mean you actively seek it, you are going to find these situations automatically and unconsciously. For example if your parents had clinical depression or were alcoholics /abusive, the chances are good that you will seek these people out or become one.

We repeat these situations over and over as an adult because on some level we want to correct and heal them. Unfortunately, the result is usually that you get re-traumatized. But this presents you with a golden opportunity to make a conscious effort and break the chain of abuse inherited from childhood.

What are the steps forward? It's time to recognize and change the negative situations we put ourselves in. That can be really difficult. Some people get involved in support programs or therapy. The point is you need to find a safe place to hash out those feelings, find their origin, heal and form new habits. Over long periods of time and extensive therapy, it is possible that the brain will physically change over time and truly heal the long term effects of trauma.

How to Overcome Negative Thinking Through Psychotherapy

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How to Overcome Negative Thinking Through Psychotherapy

Picking up a newspaper or turning on a TV is all it takes to see all the negativity in our world. It is easy to become fixated on negative thoughts.

The negativity can be divided in 3 aspects.

1. world events

2. friends and family

3. ourselves

After the recent death of Osama Bin Laden, people were celebrating in the streets with champagne. Think what you like about Bin Laden, it is certainly a strange thing to celebrate the death of anyone so joyously. Add to this the obsession with seeing photos of his body, it makes for an extremely morbid state of being.

The recent earthquake in Japan, massive flooding in New Zealand, Missouri, and Manitoba, the list goes on. How can it not affect you in a profound way to see so much human suffering played out through the media? Especially now, as massive amounts of video and photos are broadcast on 24 hour news networks, making the violence and strife in our world more visible than ever.

When other people around you are negative, you can easily be drawn into their vibrations and react negatively. So not only can direct conflict cause stress, but strife between others in your social circle or family also causes harm to you. Also, serious impact can be made by someone in your life who is either extremely negative, or is unhealthy.

Last but not least, your own inner feelings of low self-worth, of guilt, anxiety, depression or anger, while all byproducts of the outer world and of your past, stand as the ultimate barricade trapping you in a cycle of negativity.

What can you do to navigate through all this negativity and come through smelling like a rose? Take the lotus flower for example, it sits on muddy water, but is not touched by it; it has a waxy substance on its petals and nothing can touch the surface, the dirt just rolls off.

While it is good to have a relationship with the events and people around you, it can become quite unhealthy to be completely at the mercy of circumstance. A layer of protection and confidence is necessary so that your inner purity and stability remain unaffected by outside influences. Otherwise, you no longer own your own feelings.

Regarding the world news: one strategy is simply to not listen to it all day long. To know what is happening, but not get engrossed in it; to balance your life with other positive thoughts and actions.

With people around you, it is so important to check your own emotions: are you criticizing the other person in your mind, do you think you are better than they are? If you do, realize that this is an action of your ego. Listen to the other person and hear their point of view, and appreciate their value, even if you don’t agree with them. You can't change or control others but you can change your attitude and response. Through your demeanor some form of communication may even arise. Allowing a build up of negativity destroys communication, and creates bigger problems which are difficult to sort out.

Overcoming negativity within oneself is often a big challenge. It is so easy to stop loving yourself when you judge, criticize or blame yourself for events in your life or even for the way you are (personality, appearance). However, whenever you notice these negative thoughts coming up, it’s important to stop them and focus on who you really are: a worthwhile person, who was born whole and complete, with qualities of purity, peace and love.

If you can spend some minutes in silence every day, focusing on these positive qualities, just letting your mind detach from all negative thoughts, then you can value who you truly are and move outside the cycle of negativity that pulled you down. Make sure that your words and actions reflect your self-esteem.

When we lack self-esteem, we seek it from the world outside, which is often denied. Only when you generate your own self-respect, can you earn respect from others. Being with positive thoughts makes wallowing in negative thoughts much less appealing. This has a great impact on you and the people around you.

Incorporating Psychotherapy into Your Spiritual Life

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Incorporating Psychotherapy into Your Spiritual Life

Your spirituality is important to you. Your personal relationship with God (or whatever name you want to give to the Almighty) can give you strength and confidence; comforting you. And your faith can bring you into a close community and provide a sense of belonging.

While religion can be very therapeutic, it can't fully replace therapy. Even in 12 step programs, all of which have some spiritual elements, there are also elements of therapy which must be included for success.Examples of this include examining past transgressions and making amends for them.

The fundamental difference between psychotherapy and religious healing is that where religion bestows the necessities I mentioned above, therapy provides the equal necessity of dealing with underlying trauma and personal stress. While religion provides comfort it may not actively repair unresolved emotional issues.

Therapy resources may be available in your spiritual community through priests(some of whom have psychotherapy training) and holistic counsellors in your community.

My point here is that while religion and therapy seem to be opponents, they are in facts two parts of a greater whole that can work together towards your overall well-being.

It's a great idea to find a therapist who can work within your spirituality and marry the two.

Am I Depressed? Top 13 Symptoms of Depression

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Am I Depressed? Top 13 Symptoms of Depression

I often write about treatments of depression, anxiety, etc....but how do you even know it when you or your loved ones are depressed?

What follows are the somewhat ominously numbered thirteen top symptoms of depression, If you or a loved one is experiencing one or more of the below symptoms, then you may consider getting some help.

1. Loss of Appetite: Going the whole day without eating for a few days in a row or more than one day in a week.
2. Overeating: Eating unhealthy food whenever you are feeling anxious, upset, angry or after something bad happens.
3. Sleep Problems: Sleeping too much or too little. If you are sleeping more than 12 hour or less than 2 hours per day. You can alternate between these symptoms.
4. Lack of Energy: Running out of energy very early in the day. Feeling lethargic.
5. Low Self Esteem: Feeling that you are not worthwhile; believing that you are inferior physically or intellectually.
6. Loss of Motivation: Uncaring. Not motivated to take a shower or make a meal or care for your family.
7. Poor Concentration. Focusing on the present is difficult as anxious thoughts are invading your mind.
8. Feeling Hopeless: Writing off all possibilities and opportunities as doomed from the start.
9. Lack of Sex Drive: Disinterested in all intimate contact, especially sex.
10. Social Isolation: Pushing others away or feeling uncomfortable around people. It may feel that you need others but that you have no one you can turn to.
11. Irrational/Emotional Outbursts: Finding yourself getting angry or upset often. If this is happening regularly, then some of it is irrational or misdirected.
12. Disregarding Responsibility: Abandoning anything that causes stress, including people, your job, social responsibilities, etc...
13. Substance Abuse: Repetitive or overuse of alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs, etc. Particularly as a way to cope.

In the past there was a stigma attached to depression and therapy. Now it's very common to seek help before it becomes more serious.

Ayurveda: 23 ways to Start Feeling Better Today

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Ayurveda: 23 ways to Start Feeling Better Today

Dr. Vasant Lad, expert in Ayurvedic healing

Have you noticed how often our daily habits go against nature? How often do you eat food that is out of season? How many unusual chemicals do we put on our skin or hair or in our food? The problem in our society is that it's very difficult to know the right authority to trust as you try to find a balanced lifestyle.

Take for instance, the Atkins Diet. Its very popular, but really this has only been around a half dozen years or so. Ayurveda, by contrast has been practiced for over three thousand years, making it one of the oldest practices in medicine still in use today.

Ayurveda is centered on helping you live a balanced life through eliminating the toxins you take in (or allow your body to produce). This is done by changing your diet and lifestyle. For example: your diet should be changing through the year. Humans evolved eating only what grew naturally, agriculture is a relatively recent development. So our bodies are designed to eat the foods of the current season.

Among the top Ayurvedic therapy experts in the West is Dr. Vasant Lad, Chairman of the Ayurvedic Institute in Albequerque, New Mexico. Prior to his work in New Mexico, he served as Medical Director of the Ayurveda Hospital in Pune, India. He also has trained in Western Medicine as the two are not in conflict. I recently attended one of his presentations at the Metro Convention Centre here in Toronto.

His talk was simple, basic and to the point. His message was that we can eat the best organic food, but if we do not have harmony in our relationships and lifestyle, only conflict and unresolved emotions, then our health cannot be good.

Here are some tips he shared with us:

1. Change your food according to the season.
2. Have a daily routine.
3. Have spiritual awareness.
4. Wake up before the sun rises, you will be fresh and alert and have less depression.
5. Clean your aura, in the morning, by moving your palms over your face, head and your entire body, with loving deep breaths. You will fall in love with yourself.
6. Pray for a fulfilling and beautiful day.
7. Kiss your reflection in the mirror and say "You are beautiful the way you are".
8. DON'T use fluoride toothpaste and DO scrape your tongue from back to front to remove dead bacteria.
9. Drink a glass of lukewarm water to wash away toxins. then do the So-Ham meditation. mouth the sound "So" on the inhalation, "Ham" on the exhalation, with your feet facing away from the door.
10. Focus your attention on your third eye (space between your eyebrows) and visualize light in that spot.
11. Massage your body with warm sesame oil (or coconut/sunflower oil ) in the opposite direction of your hair.
12. Take a shower with a small amount of soap, dry with a clean towel and wear clean clothes.
13. Drink your food and chew your water.
14. Go for walks after dinner.
15. Don't watch t.v. while eating food.
16. Chew fennel or coriander seeds after roasting them.
17. Always share your food and don't eat in the dark.
18. Burn incense and candles.
19. Wash your eyes twice per week, lubricate nostrils daily and at bedtime put warm oil in your ears.
20. Dinner should be between 6 and 7 pm, not after sunset.
21. Rub your feet with brahmini or brungaraj oil. This will send you to sleep easily.
22. Go to bed between 9.30pm and 10.
23. Don't eat yogurt on a cloudy, rainy day as it will clog your arteries and increase mucus.

These are simple yet effective tips for leading a healthier lifestyle.

What impresses me most about this way of healing is that the methods are so simple, pure and sincere. It bring us back to nature and makes us feel grounded. Love yourself and everyone around you, have positive loving relationships. If you make a commitment to take care of yourself in a loving way, you will be on the road to healing yourself.

Ismat Nathani, Founder of the Centre for Ayurveda and Indian Systems of Healing, worked with Dr. Lad to provide further information about Auyrvedic treatments.