Do We Make Our Destiny?

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Do We Make Our Destiny?

Destiny is the past creating the present. You might say to yourself: “I'm just destined to be overweight/unhappy/victimized/destitute/alone forever”, but these are actually the results of life choices you've made. It's never too late to make a change.

Repeating poor actions without considering the consequences causes your body to develop unhealthy habits. However, you are not destined to be anything except what you’ve made of yourself through past and present actions. Many of these behaviors are reactions to past trauma and/or coping habits that don't address the issue.

Each morning when you wake up you make a plan that you never follow through on. Somehow you get overwhelmed, or at the end of the race, you find that you never really wanted the prize in the first place. It's time to breathe, take a look at your life, and see that you're on a course for self destruction. If you have stumbled and fallen you can always get up, dust yourself off and continue on a different path. No matter what your present state is, you can change through self control, discipline and altering the way you think.

There are many examples of great men and women who have overcome their personal demons. In his youth Mahatma Ghandi had tremendous anger management problems, prior to his renown as a pacifist, he was actually a very violent man. Terry Fox overcame amputation and mounting health concerns to run his marathon of hope. Usually those who achieve great things also suffer great failures, but they refuse to be trampled by them. You don't have to achieve your country's independence or run across the country on one leg; small steps can turn your life around.

And if you're still having trouble changing your thoughts, check back next week.

Are We The Clothes We Wear?

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Are We The Clothes We Wear?

People judge us by our outward appearance, but in the long run the way we conduct ourselves is much more important. Once you develop your mind and cultivate appealing inner virtues, clothes become less important.

Mahatma Ghandi proved that the clothes do not always “make the man”. He wore only a loincloth as a way to identify himself with the humble masses of India.

He once arrived dressed that way at a party thrown by an English governor. The servants turned him away at the door, so he went home and sent a package by courier to the Governor. What was in the package? A suit. When the Governor called and asked the meaning of the package, Ghandi replied: “I was invited to your party, but I was not allowed entrance because of my dress, therefore I have sent you my suit instead.” Even during his visit to London, Ghandi went to visit the Queen of England wearing only a loincloth.

Of course, I don't personally recommended that you dress this way. Ghandi had a mission to fulfill and this was part of his role (and his rhetoric).

Clothing in western society, for women especially, is geared towards sexuality. The media and fashion industry makes millions of dollars by convincing us that clothing not only is an outward expression of who you are and what creed you belong to, but also that you need the right clothing to get what you want in life. While this may even be true to some extent, there is definitely too much emphasis placed on our outward appearance.

Take for example, the argument in favour of the burka. While the popular Western sentiment may see this as a symbol of sexual oppression within certain cultures, many women from those cultures will express that wearing a burka frees them from the judgement and sexuality that the rest of the world attaches to clothing and physical beauty.

The point is: while your outward appearance is important, it is far from being the centre of the universe. To give the body too little or too much focus can leave you insecure and unbalanced. What is most important is your mind and behavior. That's what people respond to.

Live in the Light - From Depression to Expression

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Live in the Light - From Depression to Expression

One of the several ways to overcome depression is by spending time helping others who are in a worse shape than you are.

When you feel empty, like you're at the bottom of the barrel, with nothing to give, dark and negative thoughts feed on themselves and you spiral downwards. At that level you may even think that there is no one out there who can help you. That fear is only justified if you don't have the desire to be helped.

If you reverse your thinking through the realization that there are people out there who are worse of than you are. Find them and help them. Here you are coming from a perspective of strength. Even if you don't feel like it, do it anyway! Just like going to the dentist.

You will find that just by the act of helping others, volunteering, you are starting a spiral upwards. Without having to share your story with anyone, you are now being appreciated for who you are and what you can do for others. The sense of gratitude that others may have for you can start a bud opening up, saying: what can I contribute to the world?

Volunteering eliminates fear, focuses your mind and gives you meaning. This in turn will make you feel worthwhile. From here you can start expanding your growth and after a while you will be ready to see someone (therapist) to explore where the darkness originates from and to dissolve it, so that you are able to live in the light.

Continued volunteering will give you a basis for self-esteem and positive energy from which you can explore your inner arena to become a stronger and wiser person, taking one more step towards living a more peaceful life.

Who Looks Outside Dreams, Who Looks Inside Awakens

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Who Looks Outside Dreams, Who Looks Inside Awakens

In the Eastern philosophy, the world we live in is considered “Maya” illusion. All the world is a stage, and we are merely actors. Wearing a costume, we interact with others who are also wearing their own costume. It’s only when we take off this costume that we come face to face with the core of our identity.

The journey in life is to be aware of who you are under all of the costumes at all times. In an ideal state, this core ought to include feelings of openness, love, acceptance, and self-fulfillment.

When we meet obstacles on our way, we usually see them as issues to “overcome” or alternatively we can say to ourselves: “What do I need to change within myself so that I can deal with this in the most harmonious way”. In this way problems become golden opportunities to evolve into a better person.

That’s why relationships are so great; they place a mirror in front of us, showing us where we stand on our path.

Can you guess what happens when you make a shift within yourself? The behavior of others people changes automatically. In a situation where the victim/controller dynamic occurs, a change of mindset from the victim will result in the controller also making a shift. The controller now needs to look for another button to push. This continues until all the buttons are released, which means that you’ve taken great steps forward on your (hopefully mutual) journey of personal growth.

At times when the issues seem too big to handle, finding a therapist who can provide a safe, non-judgmental place to look into that mirror; assisting you in a gentle way to have the courage and confidence to make the changes needed. Initially, you may only be able to take baby steps, not sure what is inside of you (like being afraid of the dark) only to discover there is no monster there.

Once you discover that it is not so scary, you can speed up the process, until you can love yourself unconditionally. Only when we love ourselves, can we love others. Then it’s not “I want some-one to love me so that I can feel good about myself”, but “I love myself and want to be with someone who also loves her/himself.” That becomes then a journey of growing and evolving together, when partners can help each other to transform; knowing the darker side of the other and still not running away, but working to get to the light.

If you’re the sort of person for whom mantras are effective, an excellent one can be: “I am love; I am perfect exactly the way I am.” The next step is also to see other people as love and perfect, which is a greater challenge.